He thought it was about contradictions and how they can be reconciled, perhaps. He just needed breathing space, to have time to become himself, who he really wanted to be, and someone not based on the past or the future in the life he had now but to find another completely different life; where he could just ‘be’.
To be released from his overwhelming need, released from his own motivations and actions by serving another human being. Embracing the terror and the delight, and all that it may entail. He didn’t know what it would involve but he did know he was ready for it to happen, whatever ‘it’ was.
He decided it was time to head home as he realised that the sky was turning from pale blue to a shade of grey that resembled the smoke from a winter fire, set outdoors. He’d driven himself mad with jumbled thoughts that whirled around with no real place to rest. He felt as though he was possessed.